@DirtMcTurd: "Life Is a Highway" has gotta be my favorite song about having sex with a road
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@david8hughes: "911? Help, my house is burning down!" "Sir, we're sending the fire brigade right now." "I HAVE ENOUGH FIRE I DON'T NEED A BRIGADE OF IT."
@ericsshadow: My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
@Mr_Kapowski: [walks into 4D ultrasound office] Receptionist: Uh sir. This is for pregnant women Me: I just want to see my burrito again