@TheTweetOfGod: Life is a suicide mission.
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@turtledumplin: When a cop pulls you over, pull out a map and ask them for directions until they forget that they pulled you over. -me, right now
@Duke1173: *moonwalks into office* *draws dual finger guns* *fires off seven shots at Annie from HR* *holsters guns* *gets chosen for random drug test*
@RidiculousSheri: Everyone seems so happy for you until they realize your baby carrier is just filled with mozzarella sticks.
@Sickayduh: SON: what ya reading? DAD: a huge book on podiatry SON: how long is it? DAD: it's about a foot