@boburnham: Life is always one step forward, two steps back...Then slide to the left...Slide to the right. CRISS CROSS!!!
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@truegritrumble: MURDERER: *while murdering me* I feel like you're not taking this seriously. ME: *eating a Belgian waffle* Wut?
@OctopusCaveman: If children are the future, we're doomed. Kids suck at a lot of stuff. Have you ever heard a kid read aloud? It's a nightmare.
@jakob_huber: You'd think Bowser would start locking the front door of his castle after the first time Mario just walked right in like he owned the joint.
@Ideal_Victoria: Watching my coworkers split a cupcake three ways was more upsetting than the first time I missed my period.