@boburnham: Life is always one step forward, two steps back...Then slide to the left...Slide to the right. CRISS CROSS!!!
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@foodfacenow: Interview Boss: Greatest weakness Me: Sometimes I answer questions with 90s rap lyrics B: Is that here on your resume M: Whoomp, there it is
@flashember: [War of 1812] American: Let's invade the British North. Other American: Upper or Lower Canada? A: idgaf LATER:
@_sleepysmile: He thought I wore a size two. A size two?! I started laughing so hard, I spit out the donut I was eating.
@MollyRingwraith: I'm just like King Midas except everything I touch complains to human resources