@boburnham: Life is always one step forward, two steps back...Then slide to the left...Slide to the right. CRISS CROSS!!!
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@MentalAbortions: I'm pretty sure they weren't talking about stupid when they told you, "If you got it flaunt it."
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: *dumps Cheez-its on the floor* Me: What are you doing?! 3-year-old: Feeding the Roomba.
@shutupmikeginn: The Whole Foods next to this movie theater is perfect if you want to sneak in your own snacks, but don't want to save a lot of money.
@scorpicpanda: When the imaginary zebras start sawing off your legs, it's time to lay off the hard stuff.