@VerifiedDrunk: Life is full of people you can't have and people you don't want.
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@kimtopher22: I saw death today, in the face of the man at the next table, as I heard his wife say "I don't know, do you THINK I look fat?"
@NikatNiteNite: Men go to bars for 2 reasons: 1) They don't have a wife to go home to. 2) They have a wife to go home to.
@LetGoBeFreeDoU: Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You're Welcome..
@iinkedZombie: [courtroom] Me: "I OBJECT YOUR HONOR" Judge: on what grounds? "LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO" Prosecutor: he's good Judge: *slams gavel* case dismissed.