@VerifiedDrunk: Life is full of people you can't have and people you don't want.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Don't forget to take a screen shot of the weather forecast today and post it on Instagram.
@UnFitz: It's called "personal grooming" as though we might get confused and groom a total stranger.
@The_JRM: 5yo: I dreamt I ate your brownie. Me: Wait, what happened to my brownie?? 5: Dreams come true.