@SamGrittner: Life is like a box of chocolates: Eventually it will kill your dog.
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@Tw1tter_K1tten: One day the mailman is going to murder my whole family and my dog will be like "Ha. Who needs to quit yapping and go lay down now?"
@st00pidfast: I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else.
@simoncholland: 2016 has been pretty bad but at least girls stopped drawing mustaches on their index fingers and holding them under their noses.