@SamGrittner: Life is like a box of chocolates: Eventually it will kill your dog.
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@stephenjmolloy: Security: Animals aren't allowed in this art gallery, sir. Me: It's my guide dog. Dog: Picasso, born 25/10/1881, was a Spanish painter...
@shawn_spree: My wife is still mad at me for that 20 minute blank stare I did when she asked me what I was thankful for on Thanksgiving day.
@LuvPug: My son just hugged me. Him: You smell good. Me: Like what? Him: *sniffs* You smell like love. Me: *heart melts* Lets go to Toys R Us.
@SadieSkyNinja: My favorite part about ordering a salad on the first date is going into the bathroom and eating 6 mini donuts.