@MrNickJC: Life is like a box of chocolates. I don't have a box of chocolates.
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@sixfootcandy: Interviewer: Can we call your former employer for a reference? Me: Not if you're considering me for the job.
@MarlonBrandNO: [Baby trying to say first words] Baby: b..bu Me: cmon son Baby: bu..bu..s Wife: Yes sweetheart Baby: Bush did 9/11 Me[tearing up]: He knows
@roostermustache: Me: yeah was bingo the name of the dog or the farmer Professor: i meant questions about the exa- holy shit