@MrNickJC: Life is like a box of chocolates. I don't have a box of chocolates.
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@LeviathanPride: Hurricanes, famine, disease, war crimes, child molestation, political corruption. And Jesus appears to mankind on a slice of toast.
@XplodingUnicorn: When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?" When I do her hair: "How about a hat?"
@mrtruthandsoul: I wonder how many times Batman had to rub one out in the Batmobile after fighting with Catwoman
@mikejanson2: Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow? A: You look for the fresh prints! I'll show myself out y'all