@IamEnidColeslaw: life is like a box of chocolates: it kills dogs
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@timdonakowski: *stops next to punks at red light* *stares them down, turns up The Walking Dead opening music* *light turns green, slowly accelerates*
@KalvinMacleod: CAR GPS: turn left PHONE GPS: turn right C: who was that? ME: just a friend P: just a friend? ME: wait C: make an illegal U-turn ME: babe
@Underchilde: I tweet because it’s fun and I like the validation, but also because one day it’ll prove to a jury how crazy I am.
@dubstep4dads: i bet the first guy to say "smooth as a babies bottom" wasnt the most respected man in the community