@papasuncle: Life is like a box of chocolates, once you have kids it's gone.
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@Abusitron: Sales clerk: That handbag is very pleasing to the eye. Customer: Really? I don't like it. Giant Disembodied Eye: YOU REALLY SHOULD BUY IT
@cuckoo_cachu: Husband has fake roaches that he sets up around the house to scare the shit out of me 24/7. I'm putting out positive pregnancy tests. HA.
@thomas_violence: the only time I can imagine clicking on a Facebook story is maybe if I got attacked by a bird while trying to do something else