@TheNardvark: Life is like a box of chocolates. People repeating the same movie quotes over and over until words have no meaning peanut tambourine ocelot
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@nbadag: FRIEND: haha she's so cute—say it for him honey HER TODDLER: the moon is cheeeeese ME: well what have we here, a tiny liar
@Home_Halfway: 1) Put on chicken costume 2) Go to store to pick up eggs 3) Run up to store manager and emotionally scream "WHO DID THIS TO MY CHILDREN????"
@WritePlay: Wife: I can't find my phone Me: Want me to call it? Wife: Sure, I - Me: PHONE, HERE BOY