@NYC_Blonde: Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one of your friends your ex is going to sleep with next
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@TedBundybitch: When I was younger I wanted to rule the world. Now I just want to spell words close enough that autocorrect can figure out what I'm saying
@4boding: My daughter asked me to help her find a job because she’s learned enough in school. She’s 5.
@SadieSmithRoks: Is no shave November just for men? Asking for my female Italian coworker and her mustache.