@Thomas_Lull: Life is like a box of condoms. If you don't use one, you never know what you're goin get.
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@tastefactory: "I'm the only cop on the force who can play the bassoon dammit" "Not anymore" New cop in sunglasses walks in, just killing it on the bassoon
@iloveskyrim71: I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark! Help! I just laughed, i knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.
@Nursey2Be: Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good and we will slowly kill you.