@Thomas_Lull: Life is like a box of condoms. If you don't use one, you never know what you're goin get.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@iLikeCatShirts: Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and hey why did you bring all these goats they're eating this luscious grass.
@jwoodham: It's oddly fitting that most Americans celebrate Presidents' Day by taking the day off and not doing the job they were hired to do.
@david8hughes: [steps off crosstrainer] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."
@PaperWash: donald trump: ILL HAVE THE SUPER SALAD! waiter: lol no I said soup OR s- [assistant sliding $100] just bring him a huge bowl of lettuce