@SamGrittner: Life is like a roller coaster: There are ups & downs, you often feel like vomiting, but in the end there are weird pictures of you for sale.
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@bourgeoisalien: [walking down street with date after dinner] him: i had a great time me: yep... [gestures towards garbage truck] welp, this is me [jumps in]
@ch000ch: *crumples a hamburger next to the phone* sorry, i'm having trouble hearing u over this delicious hamburger noise call u later ok
@EricGoldie: I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her kid in the overhead compartment & she looked at me like I was crazy or something.