@topaz_kell: Life is not like a box of chocolates. It's more like not being allowed to leave the table until you finish your brussels sprouts.
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@Reverend_Scott: How to open new toy: 1. Cut tape with machete. 2. Take shot. 3. Undo 23,518 twist ties. 4. Take 3 shots. 5. Watch child play with box.
@HallpassCanada: You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
@crylenol: VAN GOGH: Go on, open it. You'll like it. Much better than last year. GIRL: It isn't another ear is it, Vince? VAN GOGH: what