@topaz_kell: Life is not like a box of chocolates. It's more like not being allowed to leave the table until you finish your brussels sprouts.
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@TheTweetOfGod: American government is of the people, by the people and for the people. Which begs the question: what is wrong with you people?
@longwall26: Next time a job interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years, say "Why TELL you when I can SHOW you?" then just sit there for 5 years.
@NathanBgood: "Can't beat fresh apple pie" she says, setting 1 down. I slam my fist into it. 3rd degree burns. "Wrong" I whisper 4 hrs later in the ER.