@meaganbb1: Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind
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@jordan_stratton: I don't know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
@OneFunnyMummy: Normal people driving by a construction site: wonder what they're building... Me: what a great place to bury a body!
@Cheeseboy22: My wife got home and was mad when she saw I fed my son cake, banana, popcorn and M&M's for dinner. I was like, "You saw the banana, right?"
@Mr_Kapowski: I want to know the backstory of when an eyelash turns evil and says "That's it. I'm done protecting the eye. I'm going in to destroy it now"