@meaganbb1: Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind
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@joeljeffrey: [Eating] Waiter: How's the meal? Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...
@UGotMeRight: The boss said I need to be more of a team player, so I rounded up all my coworkers & we kicked his ass.
@hippieswordfish: GENIE: you have 3 wishes ME: i wish for one more wish G: um...ok...your wish is granted. you now have 3 wishes M: aweso- wait, what