@TechnicallyRon: Life is stupid. You can ACCIDENTALLY make a baby but you can't ACCIDENTALLY make a cake.
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@roostermustache: Biden: can i put whoopee cushions under all the chairs before he gets here Obama: joe im on the phone Biden:*muttering* u didnt say not to
@rockymomax: [baby finally falls asleep] ME: *tip toes to couch* I can finally relax DOG: I'M GONNA BARK FOR NO REASON
@Home_Halfway: Bugs Bunny turns 75 today. Now when he says "What's up, Doc?" he's legitimately concerned.
@egg_dog: [death row] Guard: Any last words? Me: [smugly] photosynthesis. Guard: … Me: it sounded longer in my head.