@TheDairylandDon: Life isn't about the moments that take our breath away. That's asthma. You're thinking of asthma.
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@sad_tree: *paramedic holds me as a I lay dying* ME: Tell my family.. all I ever wanted..was a robot butler PM: With a top hat? ME: Of course you idiot
@WilliamRodgers: My buddy's PRETTY drunk... So I took the car key off of his keychain... He's been trying to start his car with a house key for 4 hours now
@DontTouchMyWine: If we're talking & I start running my nails up & down your arm, I either really like you, or I'm looking for an artery close to the surface.
@EliTerry: Imagine a bunch of Italian mobsters tiptoeing and trying not to giggle as they gingerly place a horse head in bed with a sleeping guy.