@TheDairylandDon: Life isn't about the moments that take our breath away. That's asthma. You're thinking of asthma.
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@duplicitron: I accidentally grabbed the wrong shopping cart but am hoping this kid will stop screaming soon because I am not raising a cry baby.
@kcmoore51: Me: What are your plans for tonight? 13: Think I'll hang out with you and mom. Me: Goddammit...uh I mean that's great.
@LackOfShame: Brain: What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on? Do the math! Me: Seriously?! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow