@TheDairylandDon: Life isn't about the moments that take our breath away. That's asthma. You're thinking of asthma.
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@Rollmaninoz: *walks into starbucks* Me: HEY ANY ASPIRING AUTHORS HERE?? SOMEONE FROM PENGUIN PUBLISHING OUTSIDE!!! *has choice of any table*
@GaryJanetti: Thinking of adopting a child. What color should I get? Keep in mind my walls are eggshell and cinnamon.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: I never would've guessed you're in your 30's. You look so young. Me: I'm old at heart.
@Eagle_Vision: Please enjoy my "Here's Your Sign" tweet collection, designed to ward off Twitter trolls.