@MouthOfSass: Life tip: If you're curious if you've gotten fat, have a kid draw your picture.
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@AnitaHelmet: I just want to apologize to all the guys I dated BEFORE I started using Prozac. And to their wives. And their local fire departments.
@TheToddWilliams: Earth: Goodnight Moon Moon: … Earth: I said ‘Goodnight Moon’ Moon: … Earth: Look, I don’t choose which days they celebrate Moon: Whatever
@shutupmikeginn: Call me when you have $50,000 and you'll get your little girl back. Call in the next five minutes and I'll throw in a second kid as a gift.
@Reba_aa: I want someone to push me up against the wall.. lean in.. and softly whisper... "I'll do your housework for you"