@curlycomedy: Lifehack: dress your young children in the colors of the food you are serving them to avoid outfit changes.
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@HabeasDorkis: I don't wear sunglasses because it's unfair that a photon travels 93 million miles and then when it's an inch from my eye I'm all "um, no."
@TheTalkingPipe: Don't care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you're male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
@VikeeysSecret: Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
@Breadery: I taught my daughter to whistle a few days ago and now I'm teaching her that whistling can lead to adoption.