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@fro_vo: Me: my fitbit broke Sales Guy: how Me: i put it on my dog's tail and asked him who's a good boy Sales Guy: if i give you a new one can i see
@Jeffwni: 13yo Jesus: You're not my real dad! I HATE YOU! Joseph: One of these days boy, I'll— [distant thunder] I'll do nothing. Absolutely nothing.
@junejuly12: Funny that when some people go out for 'fresh air', they come back in smelling like 'weed'
@TheHyyyype: GUY: hey pal, if you have a problem, say it to my face ME: *gets really close* i'm two months behind on my rent