@BuckyIsotope: “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,” we chant. Another agent appears inside the pentagram and screams. The dark lord feasts tonight.
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@Cynner777: Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
@TheToddWilliams: [blind date] HER: I'm a big country fan ME {trying to impress her}: China is very large
@girlontapas: Establish dominance by licking the spoon and then putting it back in the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner.
@ruinedpicnic: [buying cucumber and vaseline] me: got an awesome night planned clerk: eugh [later, eating a cucumber and vaseline sandwich] this is awful
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