@BuckyIsotope: “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,” we chant. Another agent appears inside the pentagram and screams. The dark lord feasts tonight.
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@chrisdelia: Hey girls, you are not a "mommy" just because you own a dog. You have to have a kid to be a mommy. If you are a mommy, then I am a dragon.
@Rebecca8672: Awkward=when autocorrect changes 'sooner' to 'sober' so email to 8 yr. old's teacher reads "I apologize for not getting back to you sober"
@SoVeryBritish: How to answer the door: 1. See person has arrived 2. Wait for doorbell 3. Count to five 4. Open and act surprised
@JRobb773: I hate when I come home from work exhausted and the haunted dolls moved all the furniture two inches to the left.