@BuckyIsotope: “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,” we chant. Another agent appears inside the pentagram and screams. The dark lord feasts tonight.
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@delusionaliam: Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.
@Donnie_Fairburn: That prank where you roll the windows down as you go through a carwash so your friends get soaked isn't as funny when you do it by yourself
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: *points to 2-year-old* Her shoes are on the wrong feet. Me: That's what happens when she puts them on herself. Wife: I watched you dress her.