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@Truculent67: Like a good neighbor
plow my driveway, not my wife
@WilliamAder: Someone hugged me at the office Christmas party and now they know my safe word.
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know.
Waiter: I asked if you were dining alone.
Me: Oh, sorry. Yes.
@TheCareBare: she's all "don't sleep in the nude- what if there's a fire and the fire men come and see you naked"
uh you pretty much described my fantasy
@leontymccarthy: I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
@LindaInDisguise: Me: I'm completely lost. What's going on in this movie?
Him: Lin, I just hit play 90 seconds ago.
Me: Wow! New record.