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@offshore122: Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat.
@isaidwhat_: Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
@MasterOfFury: Everything goes as planned when nothing's planned.
@Matt_The_1st: I applied for a loan from the U.S. Government, but was turned down because I had a legitimate repayment plan
@Storminika: I saw a lady at the gym on the exercise bike, wearing a helmet. So I put on a life jacket and got on the treadmill next to her.
@Breadery: Her: What do you like about me?
Me: Your crippling self esteem issues have caused you to lower your standards.
Me: Your eyes