@offshore122: Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat.
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@SaraESpivey: Was just in an elevator with my ex, so I stopped at every floor to show him he was wrong on so many levels.
@cbdoubleu: [Gets arrested] Officer: You get one phone call... *hangs up a few minutes later. Can you turn the radio up? I requested a song.
@NikiWithIssues: I'm gonna get a tattoo of me getting a tattoo of me getting a tattoo. Inkception.
@jackmackenroth: I'm pretty sure all of the 7 dwarfs were named after a stage of Snow Whites' heroin addiction.