@CulturedRuffian: Like grandpa always said, 'If you kids don't stop retweeting yourself, you'll go blind.'
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@Nikkeya08: Cashier: Your total is $2,334.00. Me: Can you take off the avocado? Cashier: Okay, that will be $2.00.
@KelFocker: A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
@david8hughes: Mechanic: that's gonna cost $2000 Me: how much? Mechanic: $3000 Me: what did you say before that Mechanic: I said "that's gonna cost"