@CulturedRuffian: Like grandpa always said, 'If you kids don't stop retweeting yourself, you'll go blind.'
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@recoveringbapti: The word "Diputseromneve" may look ridiculous, but backward it's even more stupid...
@QwertyJones3: [Safari] "Remember, when you're near water beware of wild hippos." Don't worry, I'm prepared for that. *shows handful of white marbles*
@Whatevah_Amy: If anyone breaks in, I take comfort in knowing they'll never get past the 20 pairs of shoes in the hallway.
@WheelTod: If asked at a job interview "what's your biggest weakness", test their tolerance for honesty by replying "mortality"