@CulturedRuffian: Like grandpa always said, 'If you kids don't stop retweeting yourself, you'll go blind.'
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@grimpossible: "Hey son, we really love you but we posted a picture of you on Instagram and nobody liked it which is why we're giving you up for adoption."
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [After reading vows] Me: Why are you upset? Her: Me: Was it the Donald- Her: Yes, it was the Donald Duck voice.
@AaronFullerton: Considering our obsessions with cats and emojis, the internet really is the new ancient Egypt.
@sammyrhodes: Olive Garden is appropriately named given that an olive garden is exactly where even Jesus was disappointed.