@Darlainky: Like most major sports injuries, almost all Rock, Paper, Scissors injuries occur because of insufficient stretching before the match.
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@maybetomhanks: texts from ur dentist: 1. Happy birthday! Make sure you sign up for your six month appointment 2. This is a reminder to schedule an appointment! 3. I miss us lol 4. Ur just gna ignore me? lol. I've been in ur mouth
@Mr_Kapowski: If you encounter another Dad in the wild wearing a #1 Dad shirt, you must fight to the death. Disneyland has never been so fun
@psybermonkey: Son: Daddy are we poor? Me: *scraping his macaroni art into stove pan* Did your mother tell you that?