@karenphotog: Like my grandma always says... put more booze in the mashed potatoes
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@djdarrellripley: Ex-Girlfriend: I heard you & your new girlfriend are having problems... Well, you've always got my number. Me: Yes, is it still 666?
@ClichedOut: HER: I was mauled by a bear mountain biking ME: *long drag on cigarette* what kinda bike was it riding, Carol
@shutupmikeginn: air hand dryers are afraid of people and when you put your hands near them, well, thats them screaming.