@shutupmikeginn: Like my therapist always says, "I'm not your therapist, you're just laying on a couch in Ikea"
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@theshamingofjay: "Sit" dog sits "Down" dog lays down on floor "Play Dead" dog graduates college, finds job, gets married and has kids
@serialmatrix: If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
@Ivsy01: If u love someone and they don't love u back the first thing you need to do is make them a scrapbook with you both in little wedding outfits