@shutupmikeginn: Like my therapist always says, "I'm not your therapist, you're just laying on a couch in Ikea"
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@DirtMcTurd: Honey, can we skip that wedding this weekend? "What? Why?" It sounds boring and there's no way that couple makes it.. "It's OUR wedding!"
@Iwriteforcats: *writing suicide letter Goodbye cruel world. Your going to really miss me when I'm gone... Cat: *you're
@E_lok44: You know that runny food on your plate that touches all the other food? That's you, butting into a conversation. You're creamed corn.