@egg_dog: like people say things like 'tuna fish' but not 'duck bird' or 'dad father'
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@Rollinintheseat: Lois Lane: "Clark, have you given any thought to contact lenses?" Clark Kent: *starts sweating nervously*
@realHamOnWry: My apologies to Tom Cruise. I honestly thought that Scientologists dug up and studied old scientists.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: *Goes to zoo to see the world's oldest tortoise. Guide: He's over 200 years old. How cool is that? *Tortoise says something racist.
@AGreaterMonster: Thinking about implanting a magnet in my chin so I can make a badass beard of iron filings and paper clips. More attractive, yes?