@GASmithIV: Like Rachel Dolezal, I too have been pretending to be something I'm not. For years, I've pretended to be white, when I'm actually a ladder.
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@druuuck: BOSS: it says here that you're too sexy for your shirt. Is that a typo? ME: *doing my little turn on the catwalk* I'm also good with Excel
@MAB1013: I gave myself whiplash. It couldn't be helped. Bohemian Rhapsody came on, and my kids weren't gonna teach themselves how to head bang.
@rzarosco: *does 3 or 4 pretty accurate karate kicks in front of a girl* "Ya as I was saying my dad went to middle school with the drummer from Tesla"
@_The_Man__: wife: im pregnant me: what? im not ready to be a mother we still have petty arguments wife: im the mother me: this is what I'm talking about