@GASmithIV: Like Rachel Dolezal, I too have been pretending to be something I'm not. For years, I've pretended to be white, when I'm actually a ladder.
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@aecide: Saw my neighbor in a peeing contest with his dog on his porch. My mum said there'd be days like this but she never said there'd be so many.
@BadaBinge: Thanks for nothing autocorrect, I'm never gonna get chicks being a "homeless romantic".
@RandomManik: Everything brightened up when you came into our presence. - Food in my refrigerator.
@Lexxivy: If your boyfriend is ever about to break up with you, yell "what about the baby!" You'll be in a relationship for at least another 5 minutes