@bridger_w: Lincoln should win for most likely DVD to be put on by substitute teachers
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@realHamOnWry: Me: Hey, just got back from a 3 hour walk. Her: But it's 20 below zero outside. Me: I had mitts. Her: Are you crazy? Me: No...Canadian.
@michaeljhudson: Whoops, pizza sauce on my hands. Better wash this off with soap and water. Oh poop on my ass? I'll just use this dry paper and call it good.
@tchrquotes: Ate my wife's chocolates & said they were coffee flavored because she doesn't like those but guess what guys they weren't coffee flavored.
@TheCatWhisprer: My wife and I just finished an intense 6-month mediation to pick the movie we're going to fall asleep 10 minutes into.