@TheToxicWaster: Lindsay Lohan says she can't walk down the street without men chasing her. They're drug dealers Lindsay pay your debts..
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@dreadnaught69: I was pretty sure you were the wrong kind of crazy. Then you used "luckfully" in a tweet and removed all doubt.
@Sickayduh: Sketch artist: Any more details on the attacker? Me: No, that's all I saw *shows me it's just a picture of a fist* Me: *sobbing* That's him
@SexyInsomniac: I just ran into my friend Sue. She introduced me to her second husband. I said "I wouldn't have picked him first either."
@iscoff: *draws a tarot card* Ah, the guy with too many swords. This card means you need to have less swords