@TheToxicWaster: Lindsay Lohan says she can't walk down the street without men chasing her. They're drug dealers Lindsay pay your debts..
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@SomthinBoutSara: If you get a text from me that ends in a stream of emojis, my mother has stolen my phone DO NOT ENGAGE
@Kyle_Lippert: Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.
@ItsAndyRyan: Satan's greatest trick is convincing you he's not real but there's a quality drop-off after that. No. 2 is pretending his thumb is your nose
@novixv: [Plane starts to go down] *Frantically shoves an entire bag of Life Savers Gummies™ into my mouth*