@TheToxicWaster: Lindsay Lohan says she can't walk down the street without men chasing her. They're drug dealers Lindsay pay your debts..
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@CulturedRuffian: I scream, You scream, We all scream because grandma is visiting for Christmas and she forgot her hearing aids again.
@Robert_Beau: The boss accused me of taking a drink during lunch, but he is completely mistaken, I paid for all three of them.
@SortaSarcastic: Addiction therapist: You've tweeted 36k tweets in a year. Me: Yeah, so? Therapist: What are you paying me for? Me: Material. Therapist: ...