@mattZillaaaa: LinkedIn is a terrible dating site
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@AcademicsSay: Active voice: I loved your book Passive voice: Your book was loved Passive-aggressive voice: I love how you felt the need to write a book
@TrueTorontoGirl: I just witnessed an employee choking on her noodles and now I feel sorry for her husband.
@_davidlucas_: The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah's Witnesses wondering why they're being given candy.
@Reverend_Scott: Then my wife left me, I became an alcoholic and started making meth in my basement but anyway take one candy bar each kids. Happy Halloween.