@mattZillaaaa: LinkedIn is a terrible dating site
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@mexinonblonde: *crawls towards him gets between his legs and asks* What do you want? Him-Whatever you want. Me-*gets a bowl of ice cream and turns on tv*
@truegritrumble: (First Day as Mailman) ME: *wearing a suit made out of stapled together pieces of mail* Sup? BOSS: You're supposed to deliver those. ME: No.
@foxxy311: Ladies, don't waste your time picking up guys at Chuck E Cheese. Apparently they have a "family" & a "wife" & I'm "ruining their dinner."