@Bob_Heller: Lions do NOT share. If you try to give them half a hoagie, they will take it, plus your half, plus your arm, plus I am inside a lion.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Feel free to name your next kid after me. Coworker: Why would I name my kid “Giant Douchebag?”
@theroneman: [stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] "Yep; perfect height" [turns on Xbox]