@Bob_Heller: Lions do NOT share. If you try to give them half a hoagie, they will take it, plus your half, plus your arm, plus I am inside a lion.
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@runolgarun: that fuzzy feeling when he puts his arm around u for the first time and then his other arm and then his other arm then u realize HE A SPIDER
@DanMentos: [first date] "so what do you do?" *thinking about the jar of coins I plan to use for new shrubs* I'm a hedge fund manager
@stephenjmolloy: "Nutella causes cancer" says one scientist with his mouth covered in chocolate. "Send your jars to me and I will dispose of them."
@joejwest: ME: [leaning over toilet] Hold back my hair YOU: Ok ME: [drinks from toilet like dog] YOU: You've made your point I'll wash up some glasses