@weinerdog4life: Listen buddy, I don't know why I'm doing karate in your bedroom either, sometimes things happen
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@davidkenny100: Morgan Freeman: I'm not losing my mind, I'm not losing my mind. [Morgan Freeman voice] He was though. He was losing his mind big time
@WheelTod: At a concert if the band asks "How's everyone feeling tonight" I'm like maybe we shouldn't have built our country on an Indian burial ground
@bonehugsnirony: The best way to move on after a breakup is to be open to trying new things. Today I'm throwing rocks at joggers.