@MavenofHonor: Listen, I've been stuck atop this condemned lighthouse for weeks now, and you don't hear me complaining. No one does
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@Kraz60: Of course I believe you are God's gift to women. He gave us periods and painful childbirth. Why not you too?
@mrjohndarby: [inventor of the snooze button] ok, these alarm clocks are pretty good, let's add something to make them useless
@JermHimselfish: Do you think Lil' Wayne went to the tattoo parlor and said "Make my face look like an 8th grade girls trapper keeper"?
@JennyJohnsonHi5: No matter how adorable you think your young son is, it's best you not refer to him as a "lady killer", it might end up being true.