@lisaxy424: Listen jogger, I'm eating fast food alone in my car, the last thing I need is eye contact.
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@dumbbeezie: Shopping with friend "Look, triangle-shaped tupperware for your leftover pizza!" Me: "What's leftover pizza?
@djdarrellripley: Doctor: Alright, your gonna feel a little prick on your hand. Me: If I feel a little prick on my hand somebody's getting sued...
@Skoogeth: Her: Even if I was trapped on a desert island with you, I still wouldn't have sex with you. Me: You're thinking about sex in that situation? What is wrong with you? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO FOR FOOD, BRENDA?
@patnspankme: CW: What’s your middle name? Me: It’s Mike. CW: Oh. Well, what is your first name? Me: I don’t have one.