@lisaxy424: Listen jogger, I'm eating fast food alone in my car, the last thing I need is eye contact.
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@KeetPotato: guy: [stands up at front of plane] me: "please don't be overbooked" guy: [pulls gun] "this plane is now under my control" me: "oh thank god"
@TheHyyyype: [first day in gang] LEADER: ya gotta be street-smart ME: oh i am LEADER: prove it ME: *names every street in city* LEADER: holy shit
@AnkCoupleTO: [job interview] HR: *reading medical history* it says here you're a former addict? Me: *snorting lines off the desk* typo