@KKAlThani: LISTEN LADY IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME SITTING ON YOUR BABY YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE CALLED ASKING FOR A BABYSITTER
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@KenJennings: TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER 7yo: I have an empty snail shell collection. Me: How many do you have? 7yo: Zero. Me: ZERO? 7yo: I said it was empty.
@ilovepie84: If you see a hot girl walking you should honk your horn to let her know you're intrested and afraid to talk to girls.
@PortRooster: Moon: Yo, Earth! Constant revolution?! Why so angry? Earth: You just don't understand the gravity of the situation. Sun: Oooh... Burn!!!
@okay_andi: Make sure to make eye contact with the hottest person in the room as you stuff a burrito into your mouth