@BillMc7: listen, officer - t h e o r e t i c a l l y - would I still get a carpool lane ticket if I have a body in the trunk
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@SteveDutzy: Principal: Your son is a gamer [Parents are visibly shaken] Principal: Oops, wrong kid. Actually yours is on drugs. Parents: OH THANK GOD
@CheetoBandito77: I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn't reach the cookies in the cupboard.
@HatfieldAnne: Sure I could kill you with kindness, but let’s see what else is lying around first.
@candace_9871: It's like my Mom used to say, always keep a positive pregnancy test around in case you need to ruin a man's life.