@NotJPo: Listen up, single people. You can only sleep with so many people. Sooooo many people. So so so many.
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@novicefather: QA Manager: And what is the protocol when an aircraft comes inbound with a suspected Ebola case? "WTF. Planes can catch this shit too?"
@TheMichaelRock: 12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What's wrong with the one we live in? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
@comer310: How to Get a Girlfriend: Out at Sea Me: *rocks boat* Her: Hey! Me: *rocks faster* Her: Can we PLEASE go steady? Me: I do.
@AndyAsAdjective: I've spent the better part of my day trying to figure out why "mustache" & "headache" don't rhyme.