@FeralCrone: Listen, you should really give your mother a call. She's concerned that "the haters" in her Zumba class are organizing and gaining power.
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@TheMichaelRock: Oh, did my tweet insulting a celebrity upset you? Maybe you should tell them about it the next time you guys hang out.
@GrillinChillin9: Smiles from ear to ear. Wife: what are you smiling about? Our dog just took a giant dump in our neighbors yard Wife: God I love that dog.
@markleggett: If you accept small grammatical errors, decent society collapses and then everyone starts marrying dogs. That's what happened to Australia.
@ClichedOut: I picked up carry-out and the guy asked if I wanted to leave a tip. Yeah. Offer delivery.