@LindaInDisguise: Listening to a global economy futurist. Pretty sure in 20 years Chinese parents will say "Clean your plate, people in the US are starving."
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@bobbiejo448: "That's Superman, that's Batman, and that's Cyborg. If you won't call them by their names, I can't play with you anymore." - me to my 5yo.
@secondofhername: What is the difference between a girl and a pool table? You have a shot with a pool table.
@ZBH94: *On deathbed* Me: Will someone make that beeping stop? Wife: I GOT IT!!!! *pulls plug* Nurse: You only had to press the mute. Wife: I know.