@Parkerlawyer: Listening to my husband's gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding.
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@chimneyspotter: ME: Mexican food does NOT agree with me BURRITO: Correct. Your thoughts on middle eastern power structures are banal and imperialist at best
@CulturedRuffian: I almost cut my finger off cutting some celery to eat and all I could think is this never happens with cupcakes.
@juliussharpe: Management tip - only hire bald guys. They don't have anything going on besides work.
@Elizasoul80: I don't want to be with someone who will finish my sentences. I want to be with someone who will finish the dishes.