@Parkerlawyer: Listening to my husband's gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding.
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@yoopnative: "Do NOT wake her up! It took me thirty minutes to get her to shut up and go to sleep." -Conversation I just had about a damn Furby.
@Ideal_Victoria: Fun Fact: If someone’s car alarm keeps going off, you’re legally obligated to set the car on fire.
@FilthyRichmond: I taught the kids to sign my name on report cards and detention slips because a good parent knows how to delegate responsibility.
@AntozWolf: Its wrong that priests have to live a life of forced celibacy . They should get married and let celibacy come upon them the usual way.