@weinerdog4life: Literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don't even know it.
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@mjkspeaks: Accidentally pressed 2 for Spanish and Donald Trump's security team came out of nowhere to deport me.
@Hellaphantitis: At my funeral play the Super Mario original theme until my casket is lowered in the ground then play the underground music
@notalogin: Guy: What do you do? Me: I tell jokes on Twitter G:No, I mean, what do you do to support yourself? Me: I tell myself that they're good jokes
@NoogsCorner: Were those thousands of turtle lives worth the life of one stupid, spoiled Princess with a strange fetish for Italian plumbers?