@weinerdog4life: Literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don't even know it.
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@oakhillbargrill: Once upon a time (today) I had to help with pre school homework Me: -holds up yellow Me: What color is this? 4: McDonalds The end
@TheGladStork: Sorry I panicked and told your kids that Santa is able to visit every house in one night because he does meth.
@velweb: 12 yr. old daughter: My friend Samantha said she thinks you're handsome. Me: Aww. That's cute. How about her mom? Has she said anything?