@NymphoFor: Little do you know that in my head I've already married you, divorced you, and hidden your body.
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@badbanana: Bummed about the early Scotland vote results. This was pretty much our best hope for seeing Shrek on a flag.
@SteveSuckington: [first date] "You're not into anything weird right?" -not at all *gestures to my ferret army to fall back*
@truegritrumble: PERSONAL TRAINER: How's your nutrition? ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It's been worse.
@: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.