@Spaziotwat: Little known fact: a penguin's head can rotate 390 degrees. Once.
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@Adam14: Me: What are you up to? Her: I'm making Chinese. Me: Cloning's unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.
@HatfieldAnne: “Keep pumping until something happens.” -Home Depot guy teaching me to prime the snow blower says the first thing I've understood.
@WilliamAder: Read the tweet above this one and then the tweet below it. People paid FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS PER SHARE FOR THIS.
@bourgeoisalien: serious question: when someone's telling you a horrible story and they're crying; how long should I wait before take a bite of my corn dog?