@valerie_tosi: Little known fact: Arizona's state flower is pavement.
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@WilliamAder: Been trying to pair my new phone with the Bluetooth in the car and I think it's easier to get pandas to mate.
@Underchilde: If I ever commit suicide, I wanna jump off a cliff w/an open umbrella so people wonder if I thought it would bring me safely to the ground.
@PJTLynch: Captain America: I got the alert, what’s the emergency? Avengers: Well, it’s snowing, so... CA [handing over shield]: Last time! Buy a sled!
@SuperTeeWhy: Ouija board just told me it's still waiting on a grandbaby and I was like lol Mom when did you die