@dafloydsta: Little Red Riding Hood is my favorite story about an idiot who can't tell the difference between a human and a wolf.
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@leechee420: If Reese Witherspoon doesn't call her poop "Reese's Feces" she's missing out on a clear opportunity to be awesome.
@muyrando: If any of my ex-girlfriends are reading this, I want you to know I'm eating chicken nuggets with THREE different dipping sauces, you blew it
@SteveAmiri: Fifty Shades of Grey was disappointing. All those blindfolds and not a single person swung at a piñata.