@TheMichaelRock: Live a little, ask her "are ya done?" while she's still yelling at you.
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@SamGrittner: *job interview* "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Mirrors, puddles of water. Basically anything with a reflective surface."
@Spaced_Cowboy00: I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
@Laser_Cat: America only considers a war a success if we build a Bed Bath and Beyond in the enemy's capital.