@rcromwell4: Live, laugh, love, dress up like a clown and wander around the woods at night
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@AGStr8upNinja: If I had the power to control people's minds like Professor Xavier I'd probably just make them get me snacks.
@XplodingUnicorn: [end of a job interview] Interviewer: Any questions? Me: If you could become half robot, would you do it? Him: Me: Him: Which half?
@blondecalamity: Me: I baked cookies! Who's the best Mom ever? Son: Oprah! Me: Gimme the damn cookies back! Son: See? Oprah GIVES, she doesn't take!
@spookyDichotomy: suddenly remembered when I explained updog to my father and he didn't even blink, just said "oh, we had something like that when I was a kid, a henway" "what's a henway?" "about five pounds"