@aveuaskew: Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheBoydP: There are two types of people in the world, those who sweat when eating spicy food and those whose nose drips when eating spicy food.
@zachreinert03: My friend said a baby crying is the best form of birth control but there was a baby bawling next door all night & my girlfriend got pregnant
@WetzelGeek: Woke up this morning with a pillow over my face, hearing someone muttering "...it would be so easy..."
@Be___Dope: Cashier: You're the first person to not buy flowers or chocolates today. Me: * looks down at burrito and donuts * It's still love though.