@pakalupapito: livin la vida broka
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@LMLMadness: Last night I dreamt I laid in bed all day drinking wine, eating chocolate & watching Netflix. Tomorrow I'm making my dreams come true.
@TheMichaelRock: HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
@mattgallo123: My waterproof phone is advertised in commercials with people surfing and kayaking and here I am tweeting in the shower.
@thenatewolf: Me: I have a secret *I take off my wig* Her: I don’t care still I love you *I smile, take off my bald cap* Me: you passed the final test